Things are amoving!

Things for me have just become so much more real.  I had my pre-operative assessment yesterday (Friday).  Now, I have had a bunch of surgery in my 36 years, so have been through the process a number of times, but none as big as this.  I’m sure those who have had surgery before know what a pre-op consists of.  You know, height, weight blood tests etc.  So yes, vital stuff, but nothing to make you nervous.  And yet, walking through those doors at Methley Park, you would have thought it was ‘the day’!

I did find out a whole bunch of other stuff as well.  Like, the day before I have to do stomach cleansing (eww!) which involved 2 sachets of something called Picolax and a limited diet.  Apparently, this is needed as, and get this, following the op, I have to have 5 days of bed rest.  Yes, that is right, 5 days in bed.  God, that will drive me banana’s.  I’ll have to make sure to take lots of films, and maybe a project to do in hospital!

I have to say, I walked out of that hospital with my head spinning with things confirmed that I’d been reading about, and with the new information.  However, one thing I do know for sure.  This is the right path.  Yes, there are nerves and worries, but that is natural.  But this feels so right.  It will be worth the pain and tears (and epidurals and stomach cleansings!) to finally be the person on the outside, that I am inside!

And yet still closer..

With 2 weeks left today, things seem to be heading into high gear for me.  There is so much to get done, and it just seems so little time to do it all in.  There’s a house to be cleaned, the last few bits of Christmas shopping…oh geez, and the list goes on.

Saying which though, with the pending big day approaching, and the need to actually *be* organised this year is actually a good thing.  I have to admit, that normally at this point the shopping would have only just been started, and not nearly finished as it is.  That is not saying I want this to happen every year, but it seems there is some good things about it!

The thing I am happiest about having completed though, is getting Eric’s and mine bedroom painted and the new carpets done.  We said we wanted it done before I went in to have my surgery, and as of today, the final bit of decorating has been done, however unexpected the last bit was.  However, I admit I was worried about doing the woodwork on the doors, as yesterday I had an early Christmas present from Mum.

I spent a glorious relaxing 2 hours at Impressions hairdressers (thoroughly wonderful people who do a wonderful job) having my hair styled in preparation for my stay in Methley Park Hospital.  My hair is now shoulder length (again) with red highlights.  I am so pleased with the results!  All I need to do now, is to have it done more often!

16 days to go (not that I’m counting)

So, finally I get around to put my mind to virtual paper.  I’ve got 16 days to go before the big day arrives.  at 7am on the 11th of December this year, I will go under the surgeons knife and become in body, how I know I am in my mind.

This is has been such a long journey for me.  I have known all my life that I am a trans woman, even if I have been unable to express that into words.  It has just been in these last few years that I have been able to articulate who I am and how I feel.  I owe so much to people in my life for giving me the confidence to do so, as well as the love and care I have needed, and will need in the coming days.

You know, when I first ‘came out’ as it were, I was terrified of losing everyone I hold dear.  Yes, there have been people that have walked away from me in the last few years because of who I am now, but the people I love the most are still with me, and supporting me.  You know who are you, and I love you all so much.

So, 16 days….16 days to the big day, and how do I feel?  It’s so hard to put into words.  On one hand, I am so happy and excited about this.  This is what I have wanted for forever.  The change to make me physically how I see myself mentally.  On the other hand, god am I scared and worried.  It’s not because I think it’s the wrong thing to do, oh hell no.  It’s the worry about what if it goes wrong.  What about my husband Eric, and dear friend Dave, both whom I care for.  What about the pain.  And the list goes on.

Despite this, despite the worry, the fear, the excitement, the whole mix of things, I AM HAVING THIS DONE!  This is who I am, this is for ME!

Just, thank you everyone who has stuck by me, for supporting me and caring for me.  Thank you, and enjoy this ride with me